When Chuck Norris does push-ups he doesn't push himself up. he pushes the earth down.
C.N. doesn't need a watch, he decides what the time is.
C.N. lost his virginity before his father did.
There are no WMDs in Iraq, C.N. lives in Oklakoma.
C.N. played Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun and he won.
When C.N. is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people, he walks through them.
C.N. has a deep and abiding love for human life....unless it gets in his way.
C.N. once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
People wear Superman pajamsa. Superman wears C.N. pajamas.
When C.N. calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn't get charged. Money falls out.
Sceintists have estimated thst the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to one C.N. Roundhouse Kick.
C.N.'s house has no doors. Only walls that he walks through.
C.N. doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
C.N. can devide by zero.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless C.N. has been there. In that case the grass is probably soaked in blood and tears.
C.N. invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
While urinating C.N. is easily capable of welding titanium.
When C.N. talks, everyone listens or else dies.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right. For C.N. each testicle is larger than the other.
C.N. doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. C.N throughs down.
C.N. doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one and the other nine faint.
It takes C.N 20 minutes to watch 60 minutes.